What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
