I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
