Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
