You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
