There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
