You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
