I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
