Where is the hickey?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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