And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
