y did u give ur computer a hand job?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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