So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
