Your dad touched me again.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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