Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
