tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
