its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
