I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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