i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
