Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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