my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
