Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
