My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
