dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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