I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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