I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
