we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
