let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
