I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
