He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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