Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I party with great urgency now.
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