Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
