i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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