I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
