What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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