currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
