I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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