you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
