I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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