when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
