Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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