The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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