i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
