East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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