Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
