you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
