Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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