Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
