he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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