They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
