we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
