dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
